I have to say that dealing with adolescent boys is one of the more frustrating things that anybody will ever do. I was the same way. Nobody could tell me anything. On second thought, maybe I haven’t changed.
My son said some things recently to his mom that deeply offended me. I will be honest, she is hard to deal with but his conduct was not called for. You can be angry with somebody, but the attack was designed to hurtful. As an outsider I can see that neither party is listening to the other. It is very difficult to be the mediator between my ex wife and son.
I blame myself a little. The divorce wasn’t as ugly as they can be, but are they ever pretty? The tension is there. It’s really easy to get short. Pretend in front of the kids all you want; they will see the truth. They see the little digs back and forth.
My ex can talk more than any person I know and I am quiet. I like the quiet. I get irritable when forced to participate in an argument that I will never get my point across. These days she sees red and I see green. There’s not much common ground and the 10 years apart has only widened the divide.
Despite her ideas and mine being from different planets, we still have 2 kids together. We have to communicate.
Now that the boy has moved into my couch, communication is nearly daily. I want to start the conversation with a disclaimer: Please state the purpose of your call in 15 words or less! Go!
Well, maybe it’s a little harsh, but I just don’t have 45 minutes each and every day to have a conversation about the kids. I just don’t. If I felt it was a conversation, you know where you dialogue back and forth, I could accept it. It’s more like a parenting course for beginners. It’s not my first rodeo. The child will be fine and if not, my partner will pick up any slack. She loves the boy.
So I hit the end of my rope yesterday. We are going for a little therapy. He needs to learn to deal with his angry outbursts and I need to learn to parent with his mom. There is no instructions for raising kids in a divorced or blended family. Maybe when the kids are grown, assuming I survive, I will write a book? Until then, I will make the best decisions I can. I was raised my my parents and I’m still alive, although there were a some close calls! I just hope this therapy helps.